So right now I am officially an unemployed, looking-for-work adult (legally, anyway). I've never really had any experience looking for a job before, and I'll be honest, at the end of the summer I thought it would be a cinch. I had one idea for a job in my head that I thought I would easily get, and I had another "back up" job that I thought I could get even more easily. As I'm sure anyone who's looked for a job knows, this is so horribly not the case.
It makes me feel like a downright immature idiot, and clearly shows how painfully young I am (18).
I've applied for the "back up" job nearly three weeks ago, and haven't had a reply since. I was told that I would get a call back, but I sure as heck haven't yet, and needless to say it's a bit discouraging. I really want this job (not that it pays well, because it doesn't, and not that it's something I'm really good at, because it's not), but I know the person who started this business and owns/runs it (he's actually my second cousin, but because of the age difference (he's late 20's), he knows my parents far better than I), and I know the kind of environment that it has, and it's one that I feel would be perfect for a first "real" job. I hope I get it, and a part of me still feels like I will, but an ever growing part of me is realizing that I probably wont, and that I can't expect to get just because I think I should (boy, that sounds like a super arrogant "I'm really young and think I can have everything" attitude". That's a bad thing, by the way).
Anyway, I did get contacted by a friend about a job opening that she thought I would be interested in. So of course, I contacted the people, and even called twice (the second time to leave a voice message, which was a horrid move by the way). Then the called me back, saying that there wasn't a job opening, and that I'd been misinformed. They then proceeded to tell me about a job opening that they DID have, and asked a few questions, then said that they were looking for someone else who had background with accounting (that's completely legit though, so I can't complain). But needless to say, after I hung up, I felt like a right idiot. I then double checked my friends message, and as it turns out, she was talking about a job opening at a completely DIFFERENT place. The place that I called was only where the job was posted. So holy crap, I've never felt stupider in my life (well, I'm sure I've felt stupider, but this definitely is up there for now). Ugh - I wanted to stick a knife in my eye, I was so embarrassed.
(Sigh)
Is this what life is going to be like, out in the working world? Am I going to make mistakes like this, contact the wrong people for a job, and look like a complete fool? Am I going to make mistakes at work, which causes either the boss to be annoyed/hate me, or at worst, fire me? Or make myself look like a complete fool in front of my co-workers by doing something so utterly and completely stupid? I'm 18, still a teenager (boy, I can't wait for THAT to end...), so it's going to be very easy to look like a fool in front of you 20/30 somethings.
Ugh. I can't wait until I'm well into my twenties, and people will start to actually look at me as an adult, and not as a child.

Well this was a lovely rant, I must say (really, I don't feel as stupid and self-loathing any more like I did a few hours ago). But I guess I should go and "get a life" as they say. 

Scotty - beam, me, up.  

FM

Well this is actually quite angering (is there such a word?). I really, really want to read some Chekov fanfiction, GOOD Chekov fanfiction, and everywhere I turn, there seems only to be stupid-freaking-SLASH! Why must everyone write slash when it comes to Chekov?? Why?? -_-
Also, I've been reading (okay, I've completely fallen for) Scott/Rogue fanfiction in the X-Men: The Movie fandom. And yet, there's not much written for it at all! And most that IS written for it, is complete rubbish! ("rubbish" is far more a British term than a Canadian, but in all honesty, it completely conveys how I feel, and any other word would seem more degrading or crude, or just plain inappropriate. So I'm using it). I've read one story though, and it was completely brilliant! (I'm not trying to "act British or anything, but honestly! You guys have really good words for describing exactly what I want!).
But there's not enough of them. Which means one thing, and one thing only.
I'll have to write them.
I would much rather read them, but in these cases, I'm finding that if I want to have what I want, I'll have to give it to myself (which is an odd concept, when you think of it).
I'm still going to finish Loss of course, I just have to focus on it more again.

I've also decided (for tonight, anyway), that I'm really going to put an effort into my drawing. I just have way too many scenes or pictures in my head that I really want to convey onto paper, but you see, when I was a lot younger, I really wanted to draw, but that was during my little (okay, large) manga/anime phase, and so naturally I bought all these books on how to draw anime, and lo and behold I actually learned a thing or two, and now I have this stupid problem with initially drawing in "anime mode", making my drawings look NOTHING AT ALL how I want them to (which is far more "western/realistic" drawing). I'm going to break this habit though, I really, really will!

Well I think I'm going to head to bed BEFORE 1am for once, as I'm actually tired for once (I usually don't get tired until 2am or later. I think it's because I woke up early today :S ).

Yes, that's right, I updated.

I finally just sat down on my bed, in the wonderful quiet of my room, my laptop on my lap, and just forced myself to write. I didn't stray for long from my task, no matter how tired I was of writing, and no matter how much I wanted to just go read a fanfiction or a book. I thought many times about just postponing the rest of it until tomorrow, but no, I thought, I had to finish it. So I diligently sat there, doing my best to write up to the average length of chapter's that I write, and a good one at that.

Pff. Haha, yeah, whatever. I sound like such a conceited, high and mighty jerk, don't I? (Don't worry, I meant not a single bit of that little monologue up there).

But I DID finish chapter 6, and I will admit, I was quite happy afterwards that I had managed to do it. In hindsight, I now think that I should have maybe perhaps extended  the beginning of the story, where Riley was in the process of being brainwashed. When I look at it now, the changing of his ideals, values, and most importantly beliefs, seems sort of fast (something I was trying to avoid). But I suppose that's something you learn as you go. But I'll admit, I don't like waiting for my favourite parts of the story to occur (when I'm writing, mainly), so that's why my stories are never that long in length.

Oh, and on a parting note, I re-read the first chapter of Loss that was on my computer, and I noticed two main things. One, that I should really re-read my chapters before posting more thoughrougly. I had recieved a review once, saying that I was messing up my "you're's" and "your's", and while I HAD seen some of those mistakes, I hadn't realised I was continuing to do it. Sadly, I've found I most definitely am. So I plan to go through the rest of the chapters and fix those mistakes, then replace the old chapters with them.
And second, I DID make Ben into a jerk in the first chapter. Haha, I was reading how he was being all nice with Riley at their house and beforehand, and then all of a sudden, it was like he had done a 180, and had suddenly turned into a more nasty version of himself. It definitely took me by surprise, and all I could think was "oh, my poor readers..."

I won't be fixing that though, because...well, it really doesn't matter :s

This was longer and more monotonous than intended. Woops.

FM

Loss chapter 6 is still being written, but I will get it done shortly. Yes, I've been saying this for a while, but I've finally been making some headway on this chapter, and I hope to get it done within the week.

On a different note...

I've finally gotten into the book "Max", by James Patterson. It's the fifth book in the Maximum Ride series, and I'm quite sure I bought it back in the spring, when it first came out. I wasn't very interested in reading it at first, because the description told about how they were going to find fish that were being killed, and it mentioned some eco-pro stuff, and that just put me off. The book before it, "The Final Warning", was VERY short, and it was the first book to reveal the author's obvious concern for the environment. While I am not someone who hates the environment, and I don't agree with littering or just being plain careless, I am not someone who goes overboard with concern for it. I do not believe that we as humans will ultimately end up destroying the planet, so I'm not all that fond of environmentalists. So needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled when it seemed that James Patterson was taking the series in an entirely different direction than the first three books. And since the fourth book was so short, and the title was painfully obvious in what it was referring to, I imagined the fifth book would be much the same.
Oh, how wrong I was.
I'm not finished it yet, but I think this is getting to be one of my favourite books in the series. It does mention some stuff about the environment, but it's nothing like I thought it would be. And the best part of all, is all the *spoiler* faxness. Yes, I get to see Max and Fang finally get together, with much kissy and mushy goodness : )
I'm nearly done it, and it will be sad to see it end. Luckily though, there's another book coming out, so I'll be able to look forward to that.

So, on a more "real life" note (it hurts to go there sometimes), I am currently waiting for the manager of a cafe I applied at (who also happens to be my second cousin) to call me back. I really hope I get the job, because while it will be extremely nerveracking to attempt doing this job, I really would like to have it. It's also right near my the college and the college dorms, which is where my friends are, so it would be less inconcievable to go and visit them once and a while (rather than if I were on the other side of town).

Once I start getting a life, I'll be able to write more interesting things here.

FM

Probably two or three years ago now (more likely two), I randomly searched for Bible schools in the UK on google. One of the first results was the Capernwray Bible School in England. I've always wanted to go to England, and so I thought this would be the perfect school to go to. It was only a year program, it was in a 19th century mansion, and out in the country side (I love history/mansions and castles, and I've grown up in the country and love it). I thought it would an inconspicuous place to go to - a place where no one would know me, and I'd be able to be myself, and make new friends, and most of all, learn more about God. No one I talked to had ever heard of it, and I thought "great". Now all of a sudden, I'm finding about how there are all these kids who are going to this EXACT school (either last year, or especially, this year). And some of these kids I don't even get along with very well, but it's not for that reason that I wouldn't like going if they were there, it's the simple fact that these kids who know me and I them (however unwell) are going, and I would be so uncomfortable to be going to a place like that where I know the kids who will be there (I'd feel like I have to act a certain way, etc). That's one of the reasons I don't want to go to the local Bible School (among many, many others); but the main reason is because I want to go somewhere fresh - somewhere where NO one will know me. I can't give exact reasons, other than that's simply what I would really like; to be somewhere where everythings new, and no one knows me. No. One. Knows me.

I'm gonna be a hermit.

On another note, chapter six is underway for Loss, and will be up...when I can get it. I'm going to be job searching in these coming weeks, but it's not like I'll be doing it 24/7, so hopefully I can get it up before I start work somewhere.

FM

Going through a most lovely phase of West Wing fanfiction. The only problem with it, is that it's stealing me away from doing absolutely anything else. Including writing Loss 6.
I want this story finished with soon - as in, I don't want it to be completed a year from when it started (which was the case with my Fruits Basket story). So I think that what I will have to do is map out exactly what I want to happen from here on out. Yes, I know, most writers usually map out how their story goes before they start it. But I've always found that when I try to do that, I'll start writing the chapters, but then as I'm writing, I'll get some different idea, which then spins the story off into a total other direction, thus making any mapping out that I HAD done completely useless.
But I think that since I already have an idea of how I want to the story to go, and I'm already five chapters in, then there's little chance of it suddenly changing direction.
I'm going camping into the backwoods this weekend, so I'm hoping that I can get SOMETHING done there. But then again, I'm going with a whole bunch of extended family, of whom I've gone camping with before, and since everyone seems to be bringing their quads, I doubt I will have much time to myself (which is horrific for me, as I'm quite an introvert, and I like my space. I'm kidding about it being horrific, by the way. It'll actually be quite fun I'm sure : )  ).
On a different note, I've been "tweeting" quite frequently as of late. I'm finding I like it much more than even being on facebook, and writing my "status" there. For some strange, uknown reason, I find that I'm much more comfortable with telling complete strangers what I'm doing, as compared to telling friends and family what I'm doing. And that's not just for Twitter, either; I've always thought that if I were ever to go to a secondary school, I would want to make sure that no one else I know is going there. Now I know that when you're working towards a career, you have to pick a school based on the education it can give you, and not on whether or not people you know are going to be there. But since the first "college" I'm going to is going to be (more likely than not) a Bible college, I think I have some definite leeway in choosing where I want to go (for instance, I've been asked by friends/cousins to come with them this fall to a college in Saskatchewan, and of course people have been trying to recruit me for the one that's near my home town, which, evidently, is where a friend from school is going. But the thought of going to either one just makes me shudder).

...Okay, so that was a bit of an offhanded rant. But give me a break; I'm a freshly graduated High School...er, graduate, and I don't have a clue what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'm allowed to have a rant about school once in a while.

I'm thinking about posting up a cut scene from Loss chapter 5 here, so be looking for that in a coming post.

Cheers!

FM